So I had my meeting with my nursing adviser today and registered for Spring semester.

Still have another year of pre-reqs to go before I can apply for the actual nursing program which is hella fucking competitive. After spring is over, once I am enrolled in fall classes, I'll be able to apply for the Spring 2011 Nursing program.

I know it sounds like a lot of classes, but that's what it takes to be a nurse. A nurse in my mind, is pretty much a step-down from an actual doctor, so the prep-work needed is quite heavy. Some of it I don't get[like the requirement for pre-calc], but hey I don't call the shots. I mean...when as a nurse am I EVER gonna need to know the slope of a parabola? OR the Quadratic Formula? The answer is probably never. But, never say never, I suppose.

Summer of 2010 I am going to enroll in the summer CNA program. My sister is probably gonna do the CNA thing sooner as well. She's looking for a career change to add to her belt and wants more cash than she's currently making. With the demand for folks in the medical field, she's looking to get in on some of that.

If by some unfortunate event, I don't get accepted into the nursing program, I'll probably be changing my major to psych. I'm prepared to do that, though I don't really want to. It's an exciting second choice, in my opinion. They advise every nursing student to have a back-up lined up in case they don't make it.

And with a CNA under my belt I can do that while I'm in school, have it in my resume, and make extra bucks while I figure things out.

---------------------

ANYHOOTER

I thought you'd all like to know what my Spring schedule's gonna look like.

I'm gonna be taking:

-HUMAN ANATOMY
-HUMAN ANATOMY LAB[which looks pretty cool]
-HUMAN PHYSIOLOGY
-HUMAN SEXUALITY [as part of my 'viewing a wider world' requirement; this one is online, so that rocks.]
-COLLEGE ALGEBRA [BOO]
-GEN SUPPL INSTR II - MATH [This is a sort of leg-up math program, a side-prep for people like me who have MEGA troubles in math.]

I know it's a heavy science load, but I am actually pretty excited to learn it all...excluding the math, lol. I really think that if I stay focused, I'll be fine.

I have a week off next week for Xgiving and need that break so bad, Oh my gosh.

Alrighty guess that's all for now.

So someone told me that women are "are fucked as a species and should be cunt-punched on a regular basis."

And to this I say:

Dear Mens:

You do not bleed from your penises, and therefore must be kneed in the crotch daily to rectify this error in nature. Kthnx.

But I'm a fair woman. I'll only do this for 5-7 days out of the month, at random times perhaps when you sneeze or cough. And in public while having no protection for you so you will have to be forced to use a sock, or perhaps tuck you shirt in over it.

In addition, I reserve the right to spray pepper and onion juice in your eyes to make you cry for no reason.

Thnxbai.

So I was approached by 2 men peddling Jesus on campus this morning. I was trying to get my earbuds in, but was having issues. It was an older guy and a younger guy holding signs and crosses. The older fella grabbed my arm pointed to my lip piercing and said "what would Jesus or God say if they saw that?" I had a headache like you wouldn't believe. I was not in the mood. I showed him my tongue ring and said "I don't know what you think he'd say about that? Or Maybe even humpty dumpty because the opinions of imaginary characters don't concern me mister." And I left.

[So we had to write about something gruesome that'd happened to us, and try to put a humorous spin on it. I don't think it's at all funny, and not even gruesome, but I'd wanted to write about it...so there you have it.]

The events of that day are a blur to me now, as were the first few weeks after I left him. See, I’m divorced as I’m sure you well know and are probably tired of hearing about by now. I left him in January of 2008, and this was probably, oh…I’d say beginning of February. I remember it was around the time when we’d finally gotten the terms all settled, and the paperwork all filled out. I remember I’d seen him that day. My moods were very iffy in those trying weeks, but I was at my worst on days when I had to see him for something. I’d moved in with my step-dad, Eric until I got everything taken care of and got back on my feet.
It was a usual night for the two of us; meaning we’d eaten, Eric was watching something on TV and laughing. I was at the sink washing dishes rapidly and furiously. I was just all sorts of irritated, but feeling very matter-of-fact. I wasn’t feeling depressed or even sad that day, just resigned and angry. I was washing dishes very quickly and noisily, and honestly not really paying attention to what I was doing. Eric has these crystal drinking glasses. It’s this…thick, heavy glass with this leafy design carved on the outside of the glass. I picked one up, but I didn’t notice the teeny little chip in the rim. It couldn’t have been more than a centimeter wide, maybe shorter. A few millimeters deep, it made a V shape in the rim. Very small. However, with they was I was power-washing these dishes, it went completely unnoticed.
I sliced my hand on this chip but good. Right smack clean in the fleshy part between my thumb and forefinger. It was a straight line perpendicular to my thumb, and about an inch long, perhaps a bit longer. I actually didn’t notice it right away. I set the glass aside, and when I extended my thumb, I noticed an odd but familiar sensation. Anyone who’s ever had a cut knows what I’m talking about. It’s that…squicky, stretchy, open feeling of skin separating. I raised my hand, soapy water coating my crinkled skin, and rinsed it off. It didn’t even sting…yet. I saw the cut, and could clearly see the red muscles of my hand beneath my skin, within the cut.
I simply sniffed, and blinked. I sighed as one might when they discover they have to pay a bill or some such thing. I said “Eric, we have to go to the hospital now.” He stopped laughing at the television and looked over his shoulder at me. I was holding my hand which has just now started to bleed just a little. He gets up, takes one look at my hand and sighs himself. Just then, I started to laugh slightly. Just a little bubbly noise that’d risen up from my chest and out of my throat. It rolled off my tongue, and I couldn’t help it. I pointed to the glass, and he nodded. “I’m driving,” he said and grabbed his keys. His attitude wasn’t surprising or offensive to me, I was used to it. See, Eric is 6’5”, and quite stork-like, all long legs. He’s bald, and has this long white beard. Think of a Viking biker. His father was Finish. Eric is just this sort-of matter-of-fact kinda guy. It wasn’t that he wasn’t concerned, he was. He just isn’t one to blurt his emotions right out. I’m not his blood daughter, but I honestly thing he is where I get my attitude from. Anyway, prior to leaving, he rinsed my hand for me a second time, wrapped it up tightly in some gauze, and we left.
I felt guilty as hell because not a few days earlier, he’d broken his leg. A clean break right above his ankle, and was in a boot. So here I was with this gauzy hand, giggling like an idiot, and he was trying his best to drive with this big-assed boot on his leg and foot. We drove the twenty minutes or so to town, and wouldn’t you know it, the clinic had just closed, meaning I was gonna have to pay $100 co-pay to use the emergency room. After paying for my divorce, and a ton of dental work (a story for another time). I sighed and laughed again, finding this whole thing ironic for no reason at all. I still fail to see any large ironies in the situation.
Anyway, we arrived at Alamogordo’s emergency room at about nine at night, and only had to wait a short time. After taking my vitals, the doc began to walk me through the stitching process. Firstly, of course there was the matter of making sure I couldn’t feel that giant sewing needle penetrate my skin. Yeah, getting stuck with a needle hurts. Getting stuck with a needle four times hurts even more. Yeah, I could feel the first few stitches, and let me tell you it sucked. Needless to say, Each time they stuck me with that needle full of solution, I would feel the stitch. So they stuck me again...and again…and one last time.
There were seven stitches, and I couldn’t use my hand properly for about two and a half weeks. Not that bad, considering. And it wasn’t even that gruesome really. Unless you’re the sort to get squicked out easily. Moral of the story? Fucking pay attention when you’re washing dishes. I know, I know, a child could tell you that. Whaaaat? Some people need to be told twice, ok? And maybe some people need to pay for an emergency room visit when they’re already broke before they get that lesson down. But hey, I’ve gotten a pretty gnarly scar out of it.

[Creative writing bit. Enjoy and comment.]

Sleep pours over my body like a cool fog, dragging me under. There is a time that I was just bordering aware and awake, but was still stuck in the trap and lure of sleep. You know the place. It comes upon us all at some point. My legs weakly tried to kick the covers away, but only because I had to stop that noise. That music…Don’t you love her madly…don’t you need her badly…don’t you love her ways? The Doors? Oh, right. My cell phone that doubles as my alarm. From here I would have gone about my usual morning ritual, but the hand that shot out from beneath the covers to shut off the alarm, was not my hand. I mean, I’ll grant you that I have masculine hands for a girl; thick and not tapered. But this…this is too much. They’re thick and long, and there’s quite a bit of hair on the knuckles. Fingernails could use some work. Curious.
This voice that groans and coughs is not my voice. I know, I know, it came from me, but it’s not mine. It is grating and harsh, like I just swallowed a mouthful of gravel. My eyes, as usual won’t function properly just yet, they’re about halfway closed. I reach up with that foreign hand, and rub a…stubbly chin? A thicker, jutting slightly clefted chin that is clearly smattered with sandpaper. This is when I start to panic just a bit. Ok, more than just a bit. I shoot straight up in bed, and my eyes widen. Both of my hands reach up to touch this foreign face. This isn’t my nose, this isn’t my mouth, and these aren’t my ears. This lip is still pierced, though, and a swipe of my tongue on the roof of my mouth says this tongue is still pierced too. But the face…it can’t be mine. I roll out of bed, and plod over to the bathroom. Well, I should say about halfway to the bathroom, because on my way there, I had to stop and look down. Obviously I’ve changed…somehow. And now I am curious as well as irritated and a bit frightened. Looking down, I notice that dangling appendage and widen my eyes. Well what in the purple fuck, I think to myself, and make it all of the way to the bathroom.
I can’t go to class like this, is my second thought once I see myself in the mirror. I suppose you could say it was sort of a handsome face. Rugged, a crooked nose, and sandy, dirty dishwater colored hair that curls over my collarbone. I so cannot go to class like this, I repeat in my head, and run a hand over my face, wide shouldered and unremarkable chest, and close my eyes. Hair. There is hair on this chest. I open them again, and place both hands on my bathroom sink. Eyes are bloodshot and feel like someone’s rub sand in them stare back at hazel, yet still foreign eyes. Leaving the bathroom, I slowly go to my bedroom door, and peer outside. Don’t think my sister’s woken up yet…maybe I can get something from the kitchen without alerting her, and I can try to figure this thing out. I get about two steps, when, wouldn’t you know it, her door opens. She sleepily plods out, a hand over her face, and stops dead when she sees the naked man standing in the living room. Her eyes widen, and she looks around, probably looking for the nearest heavy object to beat me over the head with.

“Who are you, you weren’t here last night,” is what she says, as she backs up into her bedroom door. She knows I hadn’t had anyone over, I never have anyone over.
Well what now?

Grinding. That's the sound that woke me up. it wasn't a quick rise, either. I swear it was like wading through a lake full of soppy mud. My limbs were so heavy, my skin tingled. I could hear the sound of metal rasping and scraping against what was probably tile. It was cold and smooth like tile. I could only feel it with my tingling palms, though. My feet and a large portion of my legs were laying in a pool of thick, sticky, chilled liquid. At first I thought my eyes weren't working properly because all I could see was black pitch. I realized after that numb sensation began to leave my body, from the head down, that I was blinking. No amount of blinking changed the blackness. Blind? Must be. That was the first thing that got my breath moving, and my heart rate speeding up.

The next sensation I began to feel laying there, as my feeling came back to me, was the most agonizing pain centered around my ankles; above them, I think. I started to shift my legs and that grinding sounded again. Along with that came the pain, the unbearable stinging, and tingle of the last remnants of numbness leaving my system. What is that? I tried to cry out, but it came out as this sort-of muffled moaning sound. It was a bit gurgly too, as I realized my mouth was full of coppery blood. Thick nectar that I discovered came from my tongue which had been chewed up like a rubber toy. Must have gnawed on it in my sleep. I shifted my arms, or tried to. They were cuffed, or bound behind me. I think they were cuffed though, because the metal clanged together, and it was loud. It echoed.

I had a realization though. As I was discovering my mouth full of type A-positive, I wasn't moving my feet because of whatever that unbearable stinging pain was. I moved then though, and I heard again the sound of metal on tile. My feet were cuffed, and with every movement...they didn't dig into my skin. No, it was far beyond that. As I heard and felt that grinding, I realized it was the metal cuffs moving against bone. I knew then I had been in a long, drugged, fitful sleep. The sticky pool beneath my legs was my own blood and as my foggy head cleared a bit, I knew I could smell it. I don't even know how I knew what blood smelled like, but I did.

I knew I must have thrashed around and those cuffs were sharpened and tight enough to dig into soft flesh. I could feel the metal move and grind against exposed bone with every movement. By this time, my body was quaking, my heart was pumping, and I still felt lightheaded. Blood loss no doubt. Just then, I see a single sliver of light cut through the black and over the red lake. I lay there weak, in pain, and cuffed in this black abyss, this moldy-reeking pit, in more pain than I can describe, and I'm not blind. Oh, joyous day. It was only a small sliver though, a tease of light. Still couldn't tell where I was. I was on my left side, and still truing to spit blood out of my mouth. My chewed-up tongue was all sorts of swollen, and much too big for my mouth.

Footsteps. Finally a sound besides my own labored breathing. It felt like forever had passed, but in reality it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. I moaned and gurgled, but not in hope. I don't know how I knew, but I knew it was the one that did this to me. I never saw those feet pass in front of my vision, but I heard them coming closer. I gurgled in feared protest, and without warning, I felt my scalp sting. My hair was yanked back savagely, my head pulled so far back and hard, my eyes teared up. Mouth agape, I shifted my legs and hated that flash of pain that came along with it.

Grind, Grind.

One of my last clear thoughts was that I swore they were pulling my hair out.

Slice. I felt the sharp blade drag through and across my exposed throat like margarine. I felt my skin separate from itself in the blade's wake, and blood spurt across that sliver of teasing light. I wondered if this person purposely waited for me to wake up. I felt the blade finish its path, and my head drop to the floor noisily. CLUNK, like a dead car battery. Another tear drips from my left eye to land on top of my freshly pouring blood made visible by that damn light. I felt myself choke and gurgle, my head laying back awkwardly like a PEZ dispenser. I never heard any sound from the phantom cutter except for their even breathing. The last thing I saw before meeting the end was my saline tears marbling and flowing through that thick red blood, and staining pristine white tile beneath.

[[Creative Writing thing. Pretty proud of it. Had to create a scene and reveal the event with only dialogue, and couldn't reveal it directly. Had to build up to it, as it were. Enjoy.]]

"How could you do it?"
"Pretty easily, actually."
"What if you get caught?"
"Look at me. Really look at me. Is this a face you'd remember if you didn't know me?!"
"W-well-"
"The answer is no. I'm fucking plain, woman. I don't stand out. Even if someone were there, which they weren't, how could they even give a description?"

"How can you be so..."
"Brilliant?"
"Tunnel-like."
"Also pretty easily."
"I need to get packed. I need to get ready for when they find you. And they will."
"How?! Stop thinking like a terrified moron for a second and think about it."
"Technology."
"I wore gloves, I left nothing behind, and there was no one there. Stop being ridiculous and celebrate with me."
"You're serious..."
"You're pretty."

"Don't compliment me, you criminal."
"I'm hardly a criminal. I'm a pathetic excuse for one. I did the world a favor, they should thank me."
"You stole. Something that wasn't yours. You just took it. To top it off, you...You...someone's hurt because of you! That makes you a criminal."
"We both know that money would have only gone to Pot and Cosmos. I'll actually use it for things I need, and it's not my fault YOUR friend didn't do as I told him. If he woulda followed directions, he wouldn't be in the condition he is..."
"You'll drag me with you...how could you?!"

"Pretty easily, as a matter of fact..."

So my mom gave my sister the idea for this and I thought it was great.
You all know I am getting into amateur photography, so I wanted to give it a try since I've got a digital camera now.

Short Backstory: I have plants. 3/4 of which have died. More likely due to the heat and the position of our place. We're on the 3rd story with the sun shining right on us for the majority of the day. WE don't get hot, thanks to air conditioning, but the plants...yeah everything I tried, and they just died. The only things that lived were the bamboo which is inside, and our various species of cacti. of course. XD Everything else, which consisted of various species of Tomato and some lily bulbs that I still have to dig out of the dirt and save for next year.

So, before getting rid of them, my mom gave me the idea to do a sort of spoof, emotional, artsy "Urban Harvest" photo series. So I did.
I played around with editing the light and will prolly do a sort of Part 1 and Part 2 Andy Warhol collage type of thing because I can't pick one I like.

Let me know which ones(s) you like best. Let me know what you think of the angles and the light. And tell me...could I NOT market these around here, to some out-of-towner? XD
=]

Sorry for spamming and stretching your friends page(s) but I keep fucking up the LJ-Cut. So whatev.

Oh, and don't mind her outfit. I wanted her clothing to match the tone of the photos. XD

----------------------

Urban harvest:











Her tomato hatred killed them...


And love does not bring them back. =[


Candid

Time again for my splurge of yet more hilarious news taken from foxnews.com.


Alleged Robber Identified After Leaving Wallet at Bank

Thursday, September 03, 2009

BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Authorities in eastern Pennsylvania say they have identified a suspected bank robber using the wallet he left behind.

Bethlehem police say 51-year-old Lloyd Virgil Barclay held up a KNBT branch on Wednesday morning, making off with $800. But Barclay forgot his wallet, which police say he placed on the teller's counter when he presented a note demanding money.

The wallet had two photo IDs, a Social Security card and a Philadelphia criminal registration card. Police say the ID pictures match Barclay's image in surveillance footage.

Barclay, of Philadelphia, has been charged with robbery and other offenses. He remained at large Wednesday.

/facepalm. D'oh! XD

____________________

EVANS, N.Y. — A 62-year-old western New York woman faces misdemeanor charges of growing and possessing marijuana after police found a 7-foot-tall pot plant growing on her front porch.

Captain Charles Danzi of the town of Evans police says Barbara Ober was charged after the porch plant and six others growing around the house were seized by officers on Wednesday.

The woman told police she needs it to treat her arthritis and glaucoma.

Her husband, John Ober, told WKBW in Buffalo that she doesn't smoke a lot, but it does help ease her pain.

Thirteen states allow marijuana to be used for medicinal purposes, but not New York. There's currently a bill under consideration in Albany that would allow it.

John Ober says it's time New York legalized medical marijuana and reaped the benefits of taxing it.

____________________

LIVINGSTON, Mont. — A 15-year-old Montana girl has admitted trying to poison her father using Jell-O laced with lamp oil.

The teen appeared before District Judge Nels Swandal Monday via video conferencing. She pleaded guilty to a charge of simple assault, a lesser count than the felony attempted aggravated assault charge she first faced.

Court records say in early June, the girl made Jell-O tainted with lamp oil. Twice over a period of three days she tried to get her father to eat it. The girl and her father had recently quarreled because he revoked her privileges for missing curfew.

"What did you think was going to happen," Swandal asked the girl.

"That he'd have diarrhea and stuff," she replied.

A spokeswoman with the Rocky Mountain Poison Control Center for Montana said if lamp oil were ingested and stayed in the stomach, it would cause little trouble, but breathing fumes could cause inflammation in the lining of the lungs.

Swandal placed the girl on probation until she turns 18. Her attorney said she will enter treatment for chemical dependency.

The girl had been held at a juvenile detention center in Glendive since her arrest on June 7. Swandal did not order any more detention time.
_____________________

California Man Admits Letting Feral Dogs and Cats Kill Each Other on His Property

Thursday, September 03, 2009

TEMECULA, Calif. — A Southern California man has acknowledged letting hundreds of feral dogs and cats wander his property and kill each other.

Elisao Jimenez of Temecula entered the plea to three counts of animal cruelty on Wednesday.
______________________



Jimenez was arrested in January after authorities found dozens of cats and about 80 dogs at his mobile home. Authorities say the dogs threatened officers, who saw one dog kill another and began eating it.

Authorities euthanized more than 100 dogs and cats. They also found more than 200 dead cats and dogs decomposing in trash bags.

A Riverside County judge sentenced Jimenez to probation, three days in jail that he's already served and 1,000 hours of community service. The 67-year-old can't keep animals while on probation and must have mental health treatment.

[Something I scratched out in class. enjoy]

Young lungs on fire, just let me die already. Legs burning, I'm not even sure how they're able to carry me any farther. I didn't get a clear picture of the thing behind me. I noted a flashbulb and that long snout. I won't talk about some spooky closet bogeyman, or that thing that wakes us up in the middle of the night. No, this is not some conjured fear, a drooling thing hyped up into unreal proportions by our overactive minds. This isn't that fear that is singly unique for all of us. No, this is a very real thing.

Ok, so I don't have some detailed description. Call me crazy, but when I see a flashbulb in the dark, and dripping, gnashing fangs, I start running. In retrospect, I'm not even sure why I ran. It's not as if I'll be missed, or even noticed. Maybe they'll find me and give me an unmarked grave. 'Cause I don't even have my ID on me. Even if I did, no one missed a thirty year old caretaker who's an only child with dead parents. Just someone else to scrape off of fifth avenue before traffic gets too backed up. My only friends are the dead people I happen to see at work ever night.

So, I don't logically know why I ran. Some human thing. Instinct, I don't know. My legs finally buckle. About damn time. Asphalt of the alleyway bites into my palms as I fall. This area reeks of rotting onions and curdled baby formula. Don't ask how I know what that smells like. I haven't been around any babies, but my mind associated that acrid stench with those things.

So, I'm on my hands and knees, there is some pathetic tear rolling down my sweaty face. I don't know why. That human bullshit again. I look over my shoulder, and I see a blurred shadow practically fucking teleport behind me. There's that flashbulb again. And teeth tearing into my sweaty shoulder. I swear they must have like...acid, or venom or something like that on them because it burns like a motherfucker. I am more concentrated on that burning sensation more than the fact that there is something chewing on me.

I don't make much noise, just sit there. I don't complain when I fall all of the way face-first onto filthy pavement. I feel that pressuring blackness close in around me. I can say, though, that that light at the end of the tunnel theory is all bullshit. Nor, did I see my life flash before my eyes. How pathetic that would be. No, there isn't anything but that searing pain and that comforting black.

I don't know how much time goes by, but I know I am breathing. Sort of. My skin feels funny. Couldn't it have just killed me, whatever it was?
I don't know what's going on. Only that I'm still fucking alive.

Bought a new Tee shirt.

Showing it off.






The tie on it is crooked.
And drives me crazy.
but it makes me lol.

xD

[[Wrote this with my sis. We'd just watched George Lopez and were inspired. Enjoy.]]

To My Dildo; A letter by Amber and Chandra.

[Whenever you're feeling lonely, down, and alone. Take hold of your favorite vibrating plastic/silicone friend and remember these words.]

Dear Dildo:
You will never lie to me.
You will never steal from me.
You will never choke me.
You will never fart on me, or "dutch oven" me.
You will never hog the covers or snore so loud that I have to migrate elsewhere.

You will be faithful to me.
You will never find yourself inserted in another orifice, unless I shove you there myself.
You will never ask me when I get paid.
You will never correct my methods of foreplay. You will accept it and like it.
You will never tell me that I am not "tight enough".
You will never demand that I cuddle with you and talk about it afterwards.
You will let me shove you in a drawer, take a piss, and pass out.

You will never demand I shave first. If I don't wanna, then I don't wanna.
You will never tell me I taste/smell funny.
You will will never tell me that you're bored.
You will never demand movie and dinner beforehand.
You will never grab my head and demand that I make "those sexy gagging noises".
You will never tire...until I have to purchase more batteries.
I will never have to tell you to shut the fuck up and do me.

You will only need a simple flick of a switch, or push of a button to be "in the mood".
You will never "have a headache".
I will never have to worry about your sweaty taint in my face.
If you are not the size I like...I can BUY ONE THAT IS.
You will always find my g-spot.
You do not think I look better or worse when under the influence.
You don't give a shit if I'm too fucking tired to play with you.
You have no "fear of commitment" and are not "emotionally unavailable".

You will always do exactly what I want.

Sincerely:
Your ever-grateful master.

PS: I love you. And that doesn't scare the shit out of you, either.

Just discovered this group named "Elbow" from the UK, and despite their strange name, I am falling in love with their music.

I wanted to show this to Mom, as I really think she'd enjoy it.

"Grounds for Divorce" by Elbow.

...I'm not gonna write a huge shpiel just 'cause I haven't the patience or the energy, and most of you know what's going on with me anyway. School, and more school. Life's fairly steady, and I like that. I've had more random changes to last me a while. There's something to be said for ordinary stability.

Anyhoo, I think I've already posted these, but I"m not sure. Just some pics I took that I wanted to show my mom.

Have a ball. I'll be posting some videos my me and my sister soon...as soon as I can locate them.
_______

Hi.


I gots a flower.


Flowers make me smile.










I have NO IDEA what was on mind mind here...but LOL


What I call silence:


To bite the tongue or not...


Chyeah...I was cool.




My trademark angry face:


Red-Lighted?


Look Ma! XD <3




Mmk that's all. Enjoy. Sorry to take up so much space.

Took a personality profile, test, thing. My results are a bit surprising to me. XD

( http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp )

You are:
* moderately expressed introvert
* moderately expressed intuitive personality
* moderately expressed thinking personality
* slightly expressed judging personality

Rational Portrait of the Mastermind (INTJ)

All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.
Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency.

In their careers, Masterminds usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither their own time and effort nor that of their colleagues and employees. Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past.

Masterminds tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals, having usually developed a very strong will. Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality.

Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke, Dwight D. Eisenhower, General Ulysses S. Grant, Frideriche Nietsche, Niels Bohr, Peter the Great, Stephen Hawking, John Maynard Keynes, Lise Meitner, Ayn Rand and Sir Isaac Newton are examples of Rational Masterminds.

_________________

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

Profile: INTJ

Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt

Introverted iNtuition

INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.

Extraverted Thinking

Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.

Introverted Feeling

Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.

Famous INTJs

Susan B. Anthony
Lance Armstrong
Arthur Ashe, tennis champion
Augustus Caesar (Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus)
Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)
Dan Aykroyd (The Blues Brothers)
William J. Bennett, "drug czar"
William F. Buckley, Jr.
Raymond Burr (Perry Mason, Ironsides)
Chevy Chase (Cornelius Crane) (Fletch)
Katie Couric
Phil Donahue
Michael Dukakis, governor of Mass., 1988 U.S. Dem. pres. candidate
Richard Gere (Pretty Woman)
Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor
Greg Gumbel, television sportscaster
Hannibal, Carthaginian military leader
Veronica Hamel (Hill Street Blues)
Angela Lansbury (Murder, She Wrote)
Orel Leonard Hershiser, IV
Peter Jennings
Charles Everett Koop
Ivan Lendl
C. S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia)
Joan Lunden
Edwin Moses, U.S. olympian (hurdles)
Martina Navratilova
Michelle Obama
General Colin Powell, US Secretary of State
Charles Rangel, U. S. Representative, D-N.Y.
Pernell Roberts (Bonanza)
Donald Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Defense
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California
Josephine Tey (Elizabeth Mackintosh), mystery writer (Brat Farrar)

U.S. Presidents:
Chester A. Arthur
Calvin Coolidge
Thomas Jefferson
John F. Kennedy
James K. Polk
Woodrow Wilson

Fictional:

Cassius (Julius Caesar)
Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
Gandalf the Grey (J. R. R. Tolkein's Middle Earth books)
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) O_O
Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes' nemesis
Ensign Ro (Star Trek--the Next Generation)
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Hamlet)
George Smiley, John le Carre's master spy
Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs)

I just find them awesome, terrifying, and just...GAH. Could you IMAGINE what it would be like if these things didn't die upon reaching the surface of the water?

Colossal Squids; yes I am STILL on about this. Check out this video/slideshow. it's pretty cool.

Just a few random jokes I found on the web cause I was bored. Read these and I cried I laughed so hard. Enjoy.
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A nun's habit was in desperate need of money, but none were willing to give them any donations. Things were so terrible for them that the Habit's donkey couldn't even farm anymore due to hunger. The nun who owned the donkey, even though she thought it was wrong, stooped to desperate measures.

Taking the last bit of food-- a carrot-- from the kitchen, she lead the donkey to the local track. She tied the carrot in front of the donkey and bet all the money she had on the beast. The donkey was so hungry that it ran after the carrot and won first place. The odds were so low on the Donkey that she walked away with thousands of dollars. The story made the front page.

Nun's Ass wins First Place!

Upon seeing this, the local cardinal immediately found the nun and told her that she had committed a grave sin by gambling, and that she should take care of the news headline. The nun went to the local press the next morning and talked to the editor about it. After a while, the editor agreed to print a story rectifying the situation. The papers the next morning read,

Cardinal is Disturbed upon seeing Nun's Ass at the Track

Upon seeing this, the Cardinal was furious. He went to the nun and demanded that she get rid of the donkey at once. He didn't care how. The nun, thinking that it could at least serve God by getting some money, sold it to a local farmer, who happened to be the brother of the editor-in-cheif. The papers the next morning read,

Nun Peddles Ass on Street Corner

The cardinal was found dead that afternoon of a heart attack.
___________________

A Penis Study
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a Playboy, Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

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A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads...

Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows...

Dear Husband,
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the
Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. AND,
you, being an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."
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A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.

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A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for
something a bit heavier".

The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.

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Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.

Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for?' Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'
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x]

Whelp, I haven't written anything in this for a while, so I thought I would. School is going fine. Started summer session last week. I'm dreading math, but I'm hoping that as long as I breath and keep up with the homework I'll come out alright.

On the computer issue: A friend of my sister's, Steve, who builds them, works on them, does everything short of make love to them (though that wouldn't shock me either ;) ) had a computer to send me. It has the same RAM that mine had, a little bit less hard drive space, but he's going to walk me through switching my old drives over to the new machine. I'm only so-so when it comes to computer hardware knowledge. He also put in a high-def graphics card that would normally cost..well you know, I don't want to think about what it would cost O_O I gave him monies for shipping and I am SO relieved and SO grateful to this man. I am so PSYCHED about the graphics card. He called it a present. O_O I am...just in awe. I will be forever grateful for the help. For srs.

In other news, I've had some recent major college financial aid snags. Various family members are pooling together to help me with that as well, because I want to be in school THAT bad. I do. As much of a pain that it is, school rules. I'm having a great time being in school. So to all members of my family: Freaking THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart...soul....whatever, pick one. I have no words that express my gratitude adequately, so that'll have to do.

Also, to all of my friends, online and otherwise:
Thank you for being so supportive and giving me advice, listening to me whine, bitch, reading my blogs, all of it. That's all of you, not just specific ones. Anyone who reads my blogs and journals, or sends me comments, is just THERE to hear me complain. That takes a lot of work that a lot of people can't handle. I'm not naming names, just cause...I'm too lazy. You all know who you are and what you've done to help me.

Hrm, now that I've gotten all mushy, squishy, and the like, I'll say goodbye for now and go to class.